Chapter 1
Round Rooms & the Reality of Woman Beating
Round Rooms …1
The History of Violence Against Women & Children …18
The Perplexing Behaviors of Battered Women & Other Trauma Survivors … 23
Returning To & Defending the Batterer …23
Panic & Anxiety …28
Self-Mutilation …28
Shame …30
Hypervigilance …30
Addictions …31
Sexualizing …32
Numbing Out …33
The Nature of Trauma & Remembering …34
Chapter 2
How Our Girls Become Battered Women:
The Making of a Battered Woman…37
The Nacirema People …41
Our People …48
The Appropriate Victim …49
Savvy Perpetrators …50
Violence, Abuse & Other Dysfunctions As Generational …58
Revictimization …59
Chapter 3
Why Battered Women Stay: The Keeping of a Battered Woman
Popular Explanations …69
Resources…70
Religion …70
Social Expectations …70
Learned Helplessness …71
Female Masochism …71
Why Battered Women Stay: Traumatic Bonding & the Development of the Stockholm Syndrome in Battered Women …73
Victim Responsibility & Examining Our Choices …76
POW …82
Implications & Necessity of the Bond…91
Chapter 4
Tool Box for Trauma Survivors
&
Those Who Love & Support Them …98
God …102
Instincts …103
Facing the Problem …107
Getting Over It …109
Detachment …117
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & Vicarious Trauma …122
Panic Attacks …123
Feelings …126
Dissociation …129
The “F” Word (forgiveness) …130
Trust …133
Why Me? …134
Things Perpetrators Look For …139
Helping Our Kids & Breaking the Cycle …141
Some Other Issues …143
Family & Friends …143
Children of Victims/Survivors …144
Why Children May Lie …145
Chapter 5
Service Providers & The System:
The Batterer’s Use of the System & Society As A Weapon …146
Hereinafter Referred to as Mother …158
Batterers Use of Counselors & Mediators as a Weapon …175
Victim’s Justice Center Position Statement on Forced or Court Ordered Counseling & Mediations Between Battered or Formerly Battered Women & Batterers…182
Forced Counseling & Mediations in Domestic Violence..183
Victims inability to be honest …184
Giving batterer more ammunition …185
Message that she is equally to blame for her victimization…185
Covert intimidation …185
Using intervener to abuse victim & support batterer …187
Conflict of interest …188
Some Things To Look For in Batterer’s Groups …191
Monitors …191
Giving victims a false sense of security …193
Keeping victims informed …193
Empathy considered guilt …194
Collusion of facilitators …195
Counselor/facilitator & offender bonding …197
Chapter 6
Common Offender Arguments, Case Problems & Intervener Mistakes …198
Battered woman/victim looks “crazy” …198
If someone wants to kill you, they can’t be stopped …200
Victim behavior isn’t what it should be …200
He says, she says …201
I lost control …202
Victim Stance …202
Provocation …203
Labeling the batterer …204
Labeling the victim …205
“There is no reality…” …206
The “How do you feel about that?” game …208
Mutual combat …210
Minimizing damages …211
Victim impact to teach empathy …212
Why battered women protect the batterer …216
Victim blaming …217
Emotional abuse as bad as physical abuse …218
Desperate people do desperate things …219
Depersonalization of the victim …222
Law Enforcement …223
Victim emotions …224
Lack of training …224
Unwilling to invest in case …225
Victim discredited …225
Law enforcement as abusers …226
Service Providers & Organizations for Victims …230
Political action groups …232
Victim advocates …233
Controlling the victim …233
inform victim of options …234
follow the lead …234
information, information, information …235
Briefly,
Offender Organizations & Programs
Correctional Facilities …236
Responsibility & Justice …236
Setting Examples …237
Refusal of Training …240
Service Providers For Offenders …242
The System…Again…245
Quick Reference
After You Have Been Traumatized…248
Some Things Perpetrators Look For…249
Position Statement on Forced Mediation or Counseling…250
Fact Sheet …251
Definitions…253
Sources Cited/Consulted…262
Index…265